Kirby: UnCLeBoB
by Kirby099267
Summary: Kirby: Unfathomable Chronicles of Legendary Bonehead Blunders, with an overly long title that only exists for the sake of the silly acronym. Anyway, Kirby, King Dedede, Waddle dee, and Meta Knight defend Dreamland from aliens. And that's it. Pretty thin plot, huh? I'm staying true to the source material.
1. Chapter 1: Strange Crusade

Kirby and Meta Knight were having an audience with King Dedede. Meta Knight was warning the king of an alien threat approaching Pop Star, (kirby couldn't do so, because he's, like, 4 years old) and asked for his help in terminating them with extreme prejudice.

Dedede stroked his chin, turned his head and ordered, "Dan! bring me the charts!"

Dan Dee, the waddle dee so pun-fully named because he always wore a blue bandana, cheerfully responded, "got it, chief!" and ran off. He presented the king with many graphs and charts.

On these diagrams were good kingly deeds, such as providing security and building homeless shelters, juxtaposed with real dick moves like ransacking homes and demolishing homeless shelters to build royalty-only hotels. ("royalty" in dreamland meaning just Dedede)

Dedede mused, "hmm… if we sit this one out, we won't have enough benevolence in our budget to raze the citizens' porn stashes…" He turned to face Meta Knight. "All righty. I'll join you on one condition: you teach me how swords work. I tried to get that dark matter guy to train me, but he possessed me and that wasn't very fun."

Kirby was processing the request in his head. (in other words, his entire body) _Teach penguin dad how swords work? Oh! I get it!_ Kirby proceeded to stab King Dedede in the foot.

he cried out, "EEEEEEEEEENNNNNNGGGGGH! This is NOT what I had in mind!"

After King Dedede, in panic, asked Meta Knight to tell his wife he loves her, only for MK to explain that Tharja doesn't exist, which Dedede would rebut by saying that he can dream dammit, while Dan Dee applied a band-aid to his majesty's foot booboo, the gang then boarded the halberd, where Dedede began his training in swordsmanship.

Meta knight explained, "Now, the first step is to actually have a sword. Sit tight for a second." Meta knight then dashed out of the room. when he returned, he was carrying a tied-up sword knight. Meta Knight said, "Now, I'm not quite sure how this works for you penguins, but, uhh… eat this guy."

"what!?" responded Dedede.

Meta Knight elaborated, "Eat him. Absorb his power."

"I can't." denied Dedede.

Meta Knight commanded, "Do it! Consume his flesh! SHOW ME BLOOD!"

The underling reasoned, "Y'know, I wouldn't mind doing this if it meant finally getting decent pay…"

Meta Knight was outraged. "You scoundrel! You dare say minimum wage isn't enough? I'll kill you myself!" he threatened. "FOR THERE IS NO SALARY IN HELL!"

King Dedede opined, "Wow, even I'm a better leader than you…"

Kirby and Dan Dee had to wait outside the entire time. it was aggravating.

Dan said to kirby, "so… you like anime?"

Kirby made a sound along the lines of "hah?"

Dan responded, "Oh. Well, anime is a type of animated tv show from… uh… where was it again? what's a japan?"

 **WILL THE ALIENS BE STOPPED? WILL DEDEDE LEARN SWORDPLAY? AND JUST WHAT EXACTLY IS A JAPAN? FIND THE ANSWERS WITHIN THE NEXT CHAPTER!**


	2. Chapter 2: Ascending Revengeance

(This chapter contains an overly drawn out content warning, non-sequitur references, wall-to-wall tangents, and content that may be considered offensive to characters who start in crappy classes)

Kirby: unfathomable chronicles of legendary bonehead blunders (UnCLeBoB) chapter 2: Ascending Revengeance

When Dedede was done with his swordsmanship training, the Halberd had landed at the aliens' castle. The aliens built a castle instead of a futuristic robo-base because they were arrogant, and thus valued whimsy over increasing chances of success. Once they realized a castle would blend into dreamland well, the architect basked in praise for his accidental genius.

The gang discussed their plan on the safety of the 'Berd, which the aliens didn't see because they were too busy talking about how superior they were to Dreamlanders.

"I think Kirby should go in first." posited Dedede.

"Right." Agreed Meta Knight. "After all, he's very powerful, and was trained by a skilled fighter who is insanely handsome under the badass mask he wears all the time."

"That's not even subtle, Meta-senpai." Said Dan Dee.

King Dedede explained, "Well, I just thought it would be funny to see the aliens rough Kirby up."

"That too." Admitted Meta knight.

What Kirby proceeded to do to the aliens can only be described as carnage. Well, actually it can be described as several other things because synonyms exist, but that's beside the point, nuzzling it tenderly. D'awww, I wanna write a point x synonyms fic now. Anyway, yeah, Kirby just tore the aliens so many new ones. Pretty easy when you've been taught to do nothing but consume all your life. Learning, that's a nifty thing about life. I'll try to use it more on my next play-through, but for now I'm writing a story about aliens attacking a land ruled by an asshole penguin.

Ahem. As I was saying, Kirby was victorious, and the leader of the aliens stepped out. And that leader was Marx, who had grown bitter in his exile. Seeing that Marx was too bitter, Kirby immediately applied sugar and spice. Of course, he couldn't quite find everything nice, and Chemical X was out of the question, but it was a nice effort. An irritated Marx knocked Kirby across the room with his wing, making that Dragon Ball Z "Psheeen!" sound effect.

"Why would you betray us, Marx?!" questioned Dedede.

Marx retorted, "I'm no Dreamlander anymore... I'm not even natural anymore! Give me one good reason to cling to your feeble allegiance!"

King Dedede defended, "Well… we're gonna build a wall to keep out the Taguels."

Marx cried in anguish, "WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT!?"

"They'll have to reclass before getting into dreamland." explained Dan Dee.

There was a pause.

Marx admitted, "Well, I suppose that's reasonable. Anyway! Back to the topic at hand. We both wanna beat the crap out of each other, but I prefer to fight with honor, meaning we both beat less crap out of each other. I'll hold back, but we will only fight in two duels. You must choose who of you will fight, and who won't"

Dan, Dedede, and Meta Knight complained in unison, "but that's totally lame!"

"I could destroy all four of you with my mind." Marx said in a quiet, but menacing tone of voice.

Meta Knight backed down. "Alright, 1-on-1x2 it is. Me and Kirby, I presume?"

"hang on there. What if our adventure was made into a movie? Or a tv show? or a comic? We can't have Kirby stealing the spotlight." disagreed Dedede.

"Why not?" questioned Meta Knight.

Dedede reasoned, "Well, because he's Grif- I mean, Kirby. So, you and Dan Dee, Not in that order."

Dan readied his spear(which he called Oliviagard when no one was looking), and marched toward the unstoppable Marx, who was pulling the dark sword Siegfried from beneath his multicolored jester hat.

He said, "Marx, this fight will definitely end up with me seriously injured, and likely dead. So before this goes down, I got one question. ...JUST WHAT THE HELL IS A JAPAAAAAAAN!?"

After saying this, his spear grew to three times its size, and Dan, who was still holding the thing with perfect balance, leapt at Marx Bravely. Siegfried's overpowering lordliness clashed with Oliviagard's blazing underdog-dom!

Long story short, Dan ended up with Hemorrhoids. Yeah, Marx is CRUEL.

It was then Meta Knight's turn to fight the power. They fought epic-ly, until eventually they both paused to catch their breaths. It was understandable, as they both looked very badly beaten.

"'Not even natural,' huh? Well, neither am I." Meta Knight said as electricity pulsed from his open wounds. "King Dedede… turn my pain receptors off."

Dedede didn't hear this, as he was asleep. Didn't seem to really matter though, as Meta Knight continued his spiel. "You're about to learn why they call me Mack the Knight." He said as he revealed a pair of thrusters and a giant claw.

"does anybody call you that?" questioned Marx. However, he was interrupted by-

 _Here I stand,_

 _Beneath the warm and soothing rain…_

It was then that many varieties of chocolates began to fall gently down on the terrain. Gently… **at first.** But the chocolates soon became meteors, leaving melty delicious craters with their every impact on Pop Star!

"NOOOOOOO!" said a bothered Marx. "Song fics! My one weakness!" "Leave now." said Mecha knight coldly. And that was the story how Meta Knight completely overshadowed Kirby in this fanfic.


End file.
